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Decades ago at The Wichita Eagle, I vowed never to write another obituary. It's simply too depressing -- especially when the deceased are just 40 years old and the cause of death is a train wreck. But somebody has to do it, so:
It is with deep regret that I inform you of the passing of Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston as romantic leads in a train wreck called "Love Happens." Visitation is 7-9 p.m., or so, at a theater near you.
Eckhart plays Burke Ryan, a charismatic widower (is there any other kind?) who has become a popular inspirational speaker on the subject of confronting and coping with grief. On the verge of a big multimedia deal, he arrives at a Seattle hotel to conduct a seminar, where he encounters Eloise (Aniston), a sadder-but-wiser floral designer, who has sworn off men in favor of flowers. She takes an instant aversion to him, which means they'll end up madly in love. Maybe.
- Starring: Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston (above), Martin Sheen.
- Rating: PG-13 for some language and sexual references.
- Web site: www.lovehappensmovie.com/
I don't want to give away the whole plot, although this is a plot you can't really give away any more. It's been given away a few hundred times before, and whoever gave it to first-time director Brandon Camp did him no favors.
Suffice to say -- self-help doctor, heal thyself! But Burke is self-helpless and fails to practice what he preaches. At least on the 1-10 scale, his grief is a respectable 8 or 9: His wife died in an accident for which he feels responsible. Jennifer's grief barely registers a 1: She saw a wineglass with another girl's lipstick on her boyfriend's coffee table.
Can they give love another chance? And can we stand the suspense?
Eckhart, so effective in "Batman: The Dark Knight," is longish-in-the-tooth as a heartthrob these days, while poor Aniston -- so wonderful in "The Good Girl" -- has nothing of interest to say or do. Both of them are constantly ready for their close-ups, Mr. De Mille, but stiff as boards when required to do any actual physical movement. Time to think less about confronting grief and more about confronting character roles.
Dan Fogler is unremarkable as Burke's obnoxious agent, and Martin Sheen is -- what is Martin Sheen doing here? Technically, he's playing Burke's irate father-in-law. Mostly, he's embarrassing himself in their final emotional joint-meltdown. (Try as I might, I couldn't stop thinking of that "Ab-Fab" episode featuring the American grief therapist and her new book, "It's GREAT to Grieve!")
The one good performance comes from John Carroll Lynch as a reluctant member of Burke's seminar.
Otherwise, there's not much to watch except some Seattle skyline travelogue footage, a few cutely artificial lovers' quarrels, and an enormous quantity of blatant product-placement spots for Qwest and Home Depot. Christopher Young's schmaltzy music kicks in just when you'd most expect it.
"Love Happens" exhorts, "To move forward, you have to let go of the past," and "Give yourself permission to feel," and other bromides of equal profundity. It had two or three different titles and several postponed release dates -- like a Death Row inmate with too many reprieves. Sometimes, you might as well just get it over with.
Outlook for this film: cloudy with a chance of mothballs.
